Two Best Friends
by leave.me.be.let.me.go
Summary: Series of not really connected one shots. Two best friends surviving various struggles life brings. Fanfictions of IdinaAngel's Always Starting Over series. Go check her out. She's awesome. Set during and after If/Then with cast members. Kinda touchy feely idk. Self-harm, anorexia, mental disorder warning. Rape chapter 3. Summary sucks, read it anyways?
1. You're Not Alone

"Indiana, huh?" James wonders how one would make the adjustment from a small conservative town to, well, New York City. Elizabeth answers as she continues to bustle around the kitchen. She never seems to stop moving for long.  
"Yup. Address from one town, phone number from another. Smack dab in the middle of conservative nowhere. Lovely people but very different from me." She throws the words over her shoulder to the table where James, Idina, and Jackie are eating. Idina's brow furrows as she detects deep pain beneath the factual tone.  
"So how'd you get out of rehearsals tonight?" Idina changes the subject with a meaningful glance to James. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes as he's too involved in his food to notice.  
"We don't open for another few weeks, thank goodness. And I've been able to sing Out Tonight since I was seventeen, as well as the other songs, so missing one night wasn't a big deal. They know I'll make up for it." Elizabeth is obviously excited, thrilled, but for some reason also seems nervous.  
"Have you begun costumes yet?" Jackie loves the fun costumes she's always seen her mother wear and wonders if this girl Elizabeth gets to wear fun costumes as well. Elizabeth smiles at Jackie but Idina notices the pain in her eyes.  
"Yes we have. I have my costume here, though we haven't rehearsed in them yet." Elizabeth's back straightens and she tenses at the mention of rehearsing in costume.  
"Are you excited?" Elizabeth hesitates, unsure of how much Jackie knows about her mother, not wanting to ruin her innocence.  
"Kind of...they've never had a Mimi quite like me." She takes the Snyders's empty plates and begins to do the dishes. Idina and James exchange a look.  
"James and Jackie love doing the dishes together. How about we let them do that and you can show me your costume?" Idina hopes the girl agrees. She's worried about her. Elizabeth turns and looks between Idina and James, her already open eyes widen and shutter. She blinks.  
"Sure. Let's go to my room and spare James and Jackie the horror." Elizabeth leads the way back to her bedroom and holds the door open for Idina, shutting it firmly behind her. Idina begins to make conversation as Elizabeth retrieves her costume.  
"So conservative Indiana to a stripper on Broadway. An interesting paradox. I've got to give you props for staying true to yourself."  
"It wasn't easy. My parents didn't...agree. They rather hated anything Broadway or theatre or secular related. Yours was actually the first secular concert I ever went to." Elizabeth stands there holding the skimpy costume, unsure of how to proceed. She looks up and makes full eye contact for the first time that night. The memory hits Idina like a wave and she's thrown into it. Exiting the Murat Theatre in Indianapolis through the stagedoor, stopping to sign whatever people asked. About halfway through the crowd, Idina signs yet another program. She reaches for the next one and her attention is caught by the small, scar covered arm extending the program. Her gaze follows the arm up the waif like figure to her striking eyes. The depths and intensity of the eyes seem to stare clear into Idina's soul. "Thank you for coming tonight, Ms. Menzel. You're even more incredible in person." The quiet words seem to mean more, as though the girl truly means them and has learned not to use words lightly. Idina pauses and does something she rarely does at the stagedoor. She reaches out and pulls the girl into a hug. "You're beautiful," Idina whispers in the girl's ear before releasing her and continuing on to the next person. She turns back to try and catch another glimpse of the girl, but she's already disappeared. Idina is brought back to the present with a soft hand on her shoulder.  
"Idina? Are you okay?" Concern is written all over Elizabeth's face as she stands there, now in costume.  
"Yeah, sorry. I'm okay. I remember you know. You were at my concert in Indy." Idina takes in the girl's appearance. "Oh honey."  
"I know. It looks awful. I still have three weeks to get to be as thin as I need to be though." Elizabeth crosses her arms protectively across herself.  
"No, Elizabeth. That's not what I meant at all. Honey, you can see your bones." Idina's heart aches for the girl, her eyes traveling over memory-formed scars and bones far too visible. She remembers when she was nearly that painfully thin. "Can I tell you something?"  
"Of course. You can tell me anything. I'll listen." Elizabeth sits next to Idina on her bed.  
"So, you know that Taye and I were married for a long time before Walker was born, and, well, messing around even longer than that. Well, Taye wasn't terribly keen on being a father. Of course I was on birth control, he made sure I took it every day. But you know that stuff isn't always 100% effective. I was pregnant, several times. Every time he would find out, he would beat me until...until I lost the baby." Elizabeth wraps her arm around Idina, comforting her and wiping her tears. "He found out about Walker at the same time as everyone else did, at that press conference we spoke at. He couldn't do anything without everyone getting suspicious, so I was safe, for a while at least. But those times after I lost them...I felt so alone. I remember what it feels like, honey. But I promise. You're not alone."


	2. You're Beautiful

"Katy! Litzy!" The little brunette girl runs from her parents' sides to jump into the arms of one of her awaiting babysitters, immeadiately fawned over by the other.  
"Thanks for letting us have her for the night, Idina. Behave yourself, James." The slight girl holding Jackie adresses the child's parents as they prepare to leave.  
"You've wounded me to the heart, Elizabeth. I always behave!" They all laugh at James' payful banter.  
"You're so full of it." His wife says as she love-smacks his chest. The taller of the babysitters steps forward to usher the couple out the door.  
"Come on you two. Litz and I don't want to see any of that. Have fun on your date." Jackie waves goodbye as her parents leave the apartment.  
"I notice you didn't say you'd mind watching, Kaitla." Elizabeth points out mischeviously. The gorgeous brunette blushes slightly, responding with a gentle shove to the smaller girl's shoulder. "Hey now! I've got precious cargo! Don't knock me over!" A smile breaks out over her weary face as she continues to banter with her best friend.  
"Oh? Is that so? Well then I suppose I could relieve you of your duties." Sarcasm drips from Kaitla's words as se attempts to take Jackie from Elizabeth's arms.  
"Uh uh! No way sister!" Elizabeth and Jackie take off for the couch, Kaitla hot on their heels. The three collapse into laughter on the small black couch. Elizabeth sighs. "Hoo boy guys. What do y'all want for supper?"  
"Litz, you move from Indiana to New York City and you still insist on using the term 'y'all?" Kaitla rises with elegance and grace, taking Jackie's hand to follow her smaller but older counterpart to the apartment kitchen.  
"Yeah Litzy. And we're not guys, we're girls." The older two stifle giggles at the straight expression on Jackie's face. Elizabeth straightens and assumes a prim and proper manner.  
"Oh my darling, please forgive me. What would you lovely ladies desire for our evening meal?" Elizabeth bites back a grin as Jackie plays along with a lifted nose in response.  
"Lovely ladies, ready for the-"  
"Kaitla! Small ears!" Now it's Kaitla's turn to stifle a grin as Elizabeth reprimands her, tiny hands on tiny hips, but none the less intimidating. She turns to search in the cabinet for something to eat.  
"Call. Standing up or lying down or anyway at all-"  
"Kaitla! What did I tell you?" Elizabeth whirls around, whisk in hand. Kaitla is bent in half laughing, a joyous sound spilling from a beautiful soul.  
"I swear! It wasn't me!" Elizabeth turns to look at Jackie, perched on the kitchen counter with a mischevious grin.  
"Bargain prices up against the wall!" Jackie imitates the actors movements as she finishes the verse. Elizabeth's jaw drops as Kaitla continues to guffaw.  
"Jackie Elenor Menzel! Do you even know what that means?!"  
"Yup! It's the song where Fantine becomes a prostitute and has sex with whoever will pay so that she can send money home to Cosette." Jackie smirks and Elizabeth shuts her mouth and resumes making supper, muttering to herself. The little girl's face sombers and she poses a question. "Are you guys like my mommy?  
"No honey. Your mom's coming back. Her and daddy just went out for the night, remember?" Kaitla finally calmed down, also so bearing quickly at the odd question and Jackie's expression.  
"No, I mean, you two always wear long sleeves and long pants when you're around me, no matter how hot it is." Jackie's childish innocence breaks the older girls hearts as they exchange solemn looks. It is Elizabeth who answers as Kaitla folds her lithe arms and attempts to disappear.  
"Honey, does Mommy wear short sleeves around you?"  
"Yes."  
"Would it make you feel better if we did too?"  
"Uh huh" Jackie's innocent concern is impossible to refuse. Kaitla remains lost in her head as Elizabeth slowly sheds her sweater, struggling to keep her breath under control. Setting the sweater on the counter, Elizabeth's arms fall limp at her sides. Jackie stretches out a small hand to cover a few of Elizabeth's scars, some old, some new. Some line, some round. All full of painful memories. Jackie raises her head to meet Elizabeth's striking, sad, hazel eyes. "You're beautiful." She removes her hand and pivots on the counter to face Kaitla. She tugs on her jacket and Kaitla blinks, returning to the present. "Take off your sleeves." Kaitla's instinct, like Elizabeth's, is to preserve Jackie's innocence, to protect her from the danger Kaitla feels she is. She looks as her best friend for reassurance.  
"It's okay, szerelmem." Tears glisten in Elizabeth's eyes as she walks over to Kaitla. Gently, she helps Kaitla remove the sweater from her shoulders, easing it down her arms until it is all the way off. Elizabeth places it on the counter next to her own and takes Kaitla's hand. Jackie presses her small hand to Kaitla's arm, pausing for a moment before moving her hand cup Kaitla's cheek. Two sets of eyes meet, one hopeful, innocent, childlike, one covering up years of pain and despair. Jackie's small, innocent voice breaks the silence. "I love you."


	3. A Child Will Lead Me Home

"Kat, its fine. It's just one night. I'll be okay. I promise. Okay? Love you. Bye." The young performer ends the call and slips her cell phone back into the bag slung across her back. She smiles as she thinks of the girl on the other end of the line, first best friends, then eventually roomies. The slender brunette begins the short walk back to the apartment the two girls share in New York City. A sound in the bushes makes her jump, then chuckle and blush at herself for being easily frightened. This moments distraction is all he needs. The larger man grabs the petite girl from behind, covering her mouth as he drags her into a nearby alley. The threat of a gun and whispers about her roomie are all she needs to keep quiet. She struggles as he strips off her clothing but, though she's strong for her size, she's no match for the very muscular attacker. He finishes and pulls out of her, throwing her against the brick wall. He zips his pants and takes off into the shadows, leaving the girl frightened and in pain against the cold ground. Slowly, she makes her way to a sitting position and eventually stands. She maintains a brisk pace and an overactive state of alert the final block to the apartment. Trembling with full body shakes, she struggles to unlock the door. Once inside, she throws the door shut and locks it behind her. The adrenaline ebs and she sinks to the floor in shock. _Kat will be home. Get up. Do something._ She forces herself to get up from in front of the apartment door. She shakes as she makes a cup of coffee, knowing sleep is a very, very long way off.

"Litz, what did we say about coffee after 11pm?" The taller, elegant roomie grins at her best friend's quirks and the smell filling the apartment as she arrives home.

"I don't think it'll make much difference tonight." Kaitla's face falls at the higher tense tone of Elizabeth's voice. She hurries into the living room to find her roomie sitting on the sofa bed they share, her eyes exhausted and terrified.

"Honey….what's wrong?" Litzy stiffens as she sits near her and Kaitla's brows furrow deeper. It's been months since Elizabeth wouldn't let Kaitla touch her, years since she wouldn't allow her near. Elizabeth pauses before answering, staring into her coffee cup.

"You were right…you did have cause for concern…."

"Baby what happened?"

"I was wrong. I didn't end up okay…."

"Love, whatever this is, we'll get through it. You just have to tell me what happened. Honey it's okay. I love you." The affirmation of love is all that Elizabeth needs and she throws herself into Kaitla's arms. She catches her, her heart breaking violent tremors coursing through the smaller girl's body.

"He-he-he hurt me. He threw me against a wall. He took my clothes off and did horrible things to me. He threatened me with a gun." She pauses to regain her breath before whispering the most terrifying part of the encounter. "He told me he would kill you."

"Honey it's okay. You're safe now. I won't let you go. I'm safe too. It's okay." Litzy's breathing begins to normalize as she clings to Kaitla for dear life.

"I love you." She whispers before passing out into an adrenaline-absence induced sleep.

"I love you too baby." Kaitla whispers back, leaning her best friend back until they're both lying on the bed, neither letting the other go.

Kaitla awakes to a shrill scream in her ear. She leaps out of the way as a thin arm flails towards her face. Her heart breaks as she peeks up from the side of the sofa bed. Sweat drenches Litzy's face, mouth wide open in an everlasting scream of pure terror, her limbs flailing as if trying to fight of something that's not there. Cautiously, Kaitla crawls towards her roomie, whispering comforting noises as she gently but firmly holds Elizabeth's limbs still.

"Honey, it's okay. You're here. I'll keep you safe. I won't let you go." The long haired, long legged beauty continues soothing her until Litzy finally stops screaming and regains consciousness. For the first time since the attack, she breaks into gut wrenching sobs, painful to hear from someone who never cries. Curling into Kaitla's arms, she stays there until the tears ebb. "You want to talk about it?" The smaller girl sits there, looking painfully childlike, before shaking her head no. Her best friend gives her a hug and simply waits. The two are close enough to know that nothing stays secret for long. Litzy hasn't told her because it's too painful, not because she doesn't trust her. The gorgeous protector takes her hand and knows just what she needs. Time. And coffee. Always coffee. "Come on. I'll make some coffee. What would you like for breakfast?" The two step into the light and the shadows beneath Litzy's expressive eyes become clear. She blinks, comprehending the question, then shakes her head before releasing Kaitla's hand and heading to the coffee maker. She replaces the filter and begins the coffee as if on autopilot. Emotionless, she walks to the cabinet and pulls out an orange pill bottle. Kaitla sighs as she watches her shake four little white pills into her hand. The younger, though taller, roomie crosses the room to her shorter counterpart and gently takes three of the pills from her hand and puts them back in the bottle. "No, honey, you're only supposed to take one." Litzy looks at her, her eyes full of broken innocence. Reluctantly, she allows Kaitla to take away the extra pills. The coffee finishes and she swallows the pill dry before reaching for the cabinet to get them mugs. Kaitla doesn't miss the quiver in Litzy's hands and gently takes them between her own. "I'll get it, love. You sit down. It's gonna be okay." Litzy obediently takes a seat the deep red kitchen table, motionless as she watches Kaitla gracefully move around the kitchen. After a few minutes, the tall beauty joins her at the kitchen table, setting a cup of coffee in front of her. Litzy nods her head and mouths thank you, but no sound comes out. "What do you want for breakfast?" Once again, Litzy shakes her head. Kaitla sighs, not wishing to press the issue. She grabs an apple for herself and sits back down. "Do you want me to call and have them cancel your performance tonight?" Litzy vigorously shakes her head no. Performing is what gives her life. Mid-shake, a thought crosses her mind and her head stills. She instead shrugs. "Do you want me to walk with you?" Litzy nods her head cautiously. "Do you want me to see if James will walk with us?" Litzy nods her head more certainly now, confident in their friends' strength and protectiveness. "Do you want me to tell him what happened?" The shame in her best friend's eye is enough to tell Kaitla the answer to that question is definitely no. "It's okay honey. I won't tell anyone. It's okay." She reaches across the table and takes Litzy's hand. "I love you." A squeeze in return is enough for Kaitla.

A few hours later the girls prepare to leave for the theatre where they'll be performing tonight. "Come on babe. Let's have lunch." Litzy shrugs, still silent. "At least an apple?" The minimum meal limit the pair agreed on when they first moved in together. She looks up at Kaitla through tired eyes, then realizes she has no choice. She grabs an apple and stands by the door. "Honey, I know if you don't eat it here you won't eat it at all." The smaller girl sighs, looks at her best friend, looks at the apple, then takes a small bite. Her dead eyes stare at Kaitla as if to ask, 'there, are you happy now?' as she's vocalized so many times in the past. The lengthy beauty crosses the room and takes the other girl in her arms, Litzy's petite frame feeling more fragile than ever before. "Let's go. James is downstairs waiting." The two make their way down the flights of stairs in their apartment building.

"Hey beautifuls! Thanks for giving me a call! What a nice surprise!" James jovial attitude sombers as he sees Litzy. To many people she appears strong, but James can read her like an open book. A concern glance towards Kaitla, who's walking slightly behind her friend. She shakes her head, an unspoken promise to explain later. How she'll explain without breaking her promise to Litzy is she doesn't know yet, but she does know the last thing that needs to happen today is for James to push Litzy for answers.

"Thanks James. We really appreciate it. How are Idina and Jackie doing?" The mention of his wife and daughter light up James' face.

"Great. Tonight is mommy-daughter date night." Kaitla continues the conversation with the man old enough to nearly be their father all the way to the theatre. As they reach the door she turns to face Elizabeth, lifting the older girl's chin to meet her eyes.

"Are you ready for this?" Litzy nods. The trio walks into the theatre, James heading to the audience, Kaitla heading to the dressing room, and Litzy heading to the warm up area. As soon as Litzy is out of her sight, Kaitla changes directions to follow her. For the first time this day, sounds erupt from Litzy in a beautiful, heartbreaking melody. Dissonant chords resonate through the halls, still ringing with passion when the source has stopped. Litzy exits the room and passes Kaitla, giving her a small nod and a twitch towards a smile as she heads to the dressing room. Half hour to show time.

A week and a half later, Litzy speaks her first word outside of performance since the night of the attack. Kaitla holds her long hair back from her face with one hand, rubbing the girl's small back with the other as she empties the contents of her stomach into the toilet after returning home from a performance.

"I'm so sorry." The horror still remains in Litzy's eyes when she first wakes up, but not as time is beginning to heal.

"Honey, why are you sorry? You're absolutely fine. I love you." Litzy opens her mouth to respond but quickly redirects her path as she vomits yet again. Her face is white and pasty, exhausted from lack of sleep and food, on top of whatever is wreaking havoc inside of her.

"I'm sorry you had to take care of me. I'm sorry for not speaking. I was just so….scared."

"Honey, it's okay. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. The most important thing is getting you better."

"I think I'm done throwing up….at least for now." The smaller girl tries to stand on her own and nearly falls. Kaitla rushes to hold her up, but Litzy is determined to stand on her own. "I'm okay, bae. I can walk." Kaitla settles for holding her hand as they head to the living room. Litzy collapses onto the sofa bed, currently set up into a couch, completely exhausted from the short walk.

"Honey, please eat something. You're scaring me."

"In a bit? My stomach is still churning."

"Litz, you never get sick. What's going on?"

"I wish I knew." She pauses, dread filling her eyes. "I wonder…"

"You wonder what?"

"I'll be back." The smaller girl gets up and returns to the bathroom. Much to Kaitla's dismay, she shuts the door firmly behind her. A few minutes later, a squeak of a voice stops Kaitla mid-pace. "Um, hey Kat? Will you come here?" Kaitla opens the bathroom door to see her roomie staring shell shocked at something in her hand, swaying on the spot. A positive pregnancy test.

"Come on, Litz. Let's go sit down. Can't have you falling on me. Especially now." The two, well, three, make their way back to the couch, Litzy's eyes wide with fear.

"What am I gonna do? I swore I'd never have kids! I'd be a horrible mother!"

"No, what you're going to be is an amazing mother. You meet every challenge you face with passion and determination. Why should this be any different?"

"I'm too screwed up inside! How can I handle a child if I can't even handle myself half the time?"

"Elizabeth. Calm down. It'll be okay. We can get through this together. I won't leave you. If you want, we can find the guy. If you want to try and forget about it forever, we don't have to. If you want, when you get too big to hide, you can stop doing shows and focus on the shop. You don't have to decide anything tonight. You've got nearly nine months ahead of you! Just don't give up now, baby. Now you'd be giving up for two people I love with all my heart." They lay back on the sofa, Litzy's back up against Kaitla's chest, one arm clinging to Kaitla's beneath her head, the other protectively wrapped across her still flat stomach. Kaitla's free arm covers Litzy's as she inwardly vows never to let anything else happen to her best friend, or the small child now growing inside of her.

"I'm so tired." Litzy's voice comes out in a soft whisper, weary, exhausted, broken. Kaitla strokes her hair.

"It's okay baby. Go to sleep. I'm right here. You're safe." Their thin frames press against each other, finding safety in the closeness between them. At last, they fall asleep.

Kaitla awakes to a cold sofa bed. Litzy didn't wake up screaming. That's new. But where did she go? Kaitla rolls out of bed and heads to where she always used to find her roomie when she couldn't sleep. The creativity room. Neither girl could sleep well in a bedroom, so the bedroom of their apartment became a room where they could create anything and everything they could imagine and figure out. Sewing materials, wood, spare parts, paint, various notepads and pencils litter the room. Sure enough, Kaitla finds the small mother-to-be amongst a pile of pillows and blankets in the creativity room. In her hand is a notepad filled with writing and scratching outs and bulleted lists and side notes.

"I figured it out." Litzy's soft voice breaks the early morning silence.

"Yeah?" Kaitla takes a seat next to her and Litzy scooches to share the blankets.

"Yeah. I'm gonna keep performing for about three to four months, until the baby becomes real noticeable. You'll be taking over more of the performances, as we still have seven months left on the contract. In the mean while, I'll be working on the shop more to have a secure and stable place for both of us once the performances are done. That's what we did before we got this opportunity to perform; it's what we'll do again. It'll be enough, and busy season is coming so it'll be plenty. I want this guy found so he never hurts a girl again, but I don't want to be involved. I don't want to know any more about him than I already do. Not his name, nothing. I know if he becomes more than this nameless, mostly faceless creature, I'll blame him forever, and I don't want to blame the baby. I want to love this baby with all my heart. And I don't want to find a man to cover up anything. I'm perfectly happy the way we are. Two best friends. We have something better than romance and sex. We have a love that will last forever." Litzy looks up from her notepad to find Kaitla watching her, tears in her eyes.

"I love you, bae. You're the best thing that ever happened to me." Kaitla leans over and kisses Litzy's forehead.

"Nope. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you, too." The two sit there, foreheads together for a while, until Litzy suddenly jumps up and sprints to the bathroom. She barely makes it in time before she hurls into the toilet. Kaitla isn't far behind, once again comforting her best friend as she empties everything in her stomach, dry heaving when there's nothing left. "I swear, if this ever happens to you I'll take care of you too. I'm sor—" Kaitla rubs her back, sympathizing for her.

"Don't be sorry, honey. But I am thinking maybe I'll just end up with a girl and avoid this whole thing."

"Yeah, we all thought I was gonna die a virgin but look how that worked out." Litzy's sarcasm is punctuated by even more dry heaving, then she seems to be through.

"Do you want to lie down for a while?" Kaitla asks as she helps Litzy stand. The shorter of the pair shakes her head no as she rinses her mouth with water from the sink.

"No thanks. I'll be okay. I gotta get used to it sometime. No time like the present." Kaitla stands with her jaw dropped as Litzy takes off into the other room, factual, logical, and never stopping moving.

"Honey, the contents of your entire stomach were just flushed into the apartment sewage system and you're white as a ghost. Do you really think this is a good idea?" Kaitla enters the kitchen to see Litzy standing by the coffee maker, hand on her lower abdomen, partially from nausea and partially still getting used to the idea of there being another life in there. "Oh come on, Litzy, that kid is gonna end up addicted to coffee before it's even born!"

"Just think of it this way: at least it's not heroin." Kaitla rolls her eyes at Litzy's sass as she joins her in making their morning coffee.

"Fine. But more than an apple for breakfast. You haven't been hardly eating lately and now you're eating for two."

"Not for breakfast, bae. It'll just follow everything else down the sewers. It'll settle down by afternoon. I'll eat more then."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Are you sure this isn't too tight?" Litzy examines herself in the mirror of the dressing room, dreading her last performance.

"You look beautiful as always, Litz."

"I don't want it to end." The shorter brunette wraps her arms around her growing stomach, leaning back into the arms of her best friend.

"I know, honey. Me either. But think, you've got a new song for the line up tonight."

"Yes. It's the closing song."

"It'll be okay, hon. You've thought about this and you've planned and you've prepared and you've done so, so well. The shop's up and ready. The audience always loves you." Kaitla's pep talk is cut short by an interruption from her blushing roomie.

"They love you more. Just like I love you more."

"Impossible."

"I've always loved you more. Now come on, it's about time to start." Kaitla rolls her eyes at her still petite best friend. Kaitla was thinner than her now, which she was very glad for. Both girls were delicately built, but at the beginning of her pregnancy, Litzy had been unhealthily thin. Now, four months later, Elizabeth is back to healthy and just beginning to show a baby bump. Sweatshirts and other baggy clothing conceal it fairly well, but in their performance dresses, you can only go so far. The pair enter the stage, grinning and waving at the audience. If there was one thing Litzy never lost through this entire experience, it was her ability to perform onstage. The set list flies by and soon it's time for Litzy's closing number. She motions to the band that she would like to say something before the final song.

"This next one I have never sang for you guys before. It's originally sung by one of my dear friends, Idina Menzel-Snyder. I don't know if you've ever hear of it; it's called Child. I thought it would be a very appropriate song to sing for you all tonight because," Litzy pauses to swallow back tears. She blinks once and maintains her composure. "Because tonight is the last night I will be performing for you guys. I have something more important to take care of now. In about five months, there'll be another addition to our makeshift family. And honestly, it's getting kind of hard to hide a baby bump in a performance dress." The audience chuckles nervously at the singer's attempt at humor. The good girl? Pregnant out of wedlock? Or even outside of a relationship? "But in all seriousness, guys, I'm gonna miss you all, but being the best mom I can be is my number one priority now." She nods to the band as she blinks tears out of her eyes and begins to sing. "Child….teach me everything you know…."

"Litz, you're gonna be late!"

"It won't—freaking—fit!" Kaitla moves aside the curtain and joins her best friend in the curtained corner of the living room designed for storing clothes and getting dressed.

"Honey….can we chose something else? I don't think this is gonna work…" Litzy's shoulders slump as she stops fighting the top, one hand settling on her distinctive bump.

"Ugh. I'm so fat. Nothing fits anymore." Outgrowing clothes had long been a problem for Elizabeth's self image, but pregnancy gives you no choice.

"Hold on." Kat disappears outside the curtain and leaves Litzy standing there, hugging her swollen abdomen protectively. She returns shortly, holding onto a wadded red piece of fabric. "Here." She unwads the fabric, revealing a shirt. "It has an elastic back. I figured there'd be a day when you'd come to need it. I finished it a few weeks ago." Litzy takes the shirt, hugging her best friend and blinking back tears.

"Frick, these stupid hormones." This elicits a chuckle from Kaitla. "What would I do without you bae?"

"You'd still be trying to get that shirt on. Here. I'll help you." Dressing around each other has long since stopped being a problem, reoccurring only briefly when Litzy first began to show. "Hon, you have to move your arm if you want to change." Litzy reluctantly lifts her arm from its protective position around her child. In no time flat, both girls are ready to go, though in opposite directions. "I love you, okay?"

"'Kay. I love you too." The girls kiss cheeks as they take off opposite ways down the street in front of the apartment building. Kat heads to the theatre still, while Litzy heads to the shop. On an ordinary day Litzy would be at the shop at the crack of dawn, but today is their tenth anniversary of being friends. A delightful breakfast and extra time spent together before heading off. The cool fall breeze blows gently through Litzy's waist-long brunette hair. She feels her baby kick, both inside her and by her arm permanently protecting her baby. For a short distance she walks with her eyes closed, enjoying the feel and smell of fall. She opens her eyes to see another pair of orbs she never thought she'd make eye contact with again. The two grown young women, from far in each others' pasts, pass each other on the busy New York City sidewalk. Litzy picks up her pace, struggling for normal breath as she reaches the shop door. Her hand fumbles to fit the keys in the lock, one arm clinging to her growing and now obvious child for dear life. She throws open the door to the shop and inhales deeply. Her systems relax as she takes in the sweet scent of fall mums, the delectable scent of the cupcakes and other baked goods she had prepared yesterday in advance. _She probably didn't even recognize you. Oh, who am I kidding? We'd recognize each other anywhere._ A series of memories flash through Litzy's mind like an old camera reel. The laughter, the fun times, the strength off each other. Then the pain, the rejection, the brokenness, the shame. The loneliness. Litzy comes to on the floor of the shop, sitting against the cool wall. _I hope I didn't fall here._ She looks down at her hand across her swollen abdomen. _Oh baby I hope I didn't hurt you. Please be okay._ She slowly works to a standing position, not the easiest thing at seven months pregnant. She flips the sign to open and draws back the blinds. Customers begin to flood in and Litzy assumes her composed shopkeeper character. Not often does she hide behind a character, but today stresses her enough that she does. The day passes and eventually the shop closes. Litzy cleans the shop and James arrives to walk her home at just the perfect time. Litzy has grown to feel as close to safe as she can over the past few months, and James has played a huge part in that. After letting herself into the apartment and James goes on, Litzy pulls out her phone to let Kaitla know she's home safe before she arrives from the theatre an hour later. What she doesn't expect is what she finds however. A text from the flash from the past. "Olivia: Hey! Congrats! I didn't know you were married. Who's the lucky man?" Litzy sighs. _Great. Here we go again. But then again maybe she's changed. Maybe I've changed._ Litzy takes a deep breath before texting back. "I'm not married." Three words are all she has the courage to say to the girl. She ponders on texting her more as she types out a message to Kaitla. Just as the message sends, her phone explodes with messages from Olivia. She manages to read the first few before her vision becomes too blurred with tears to catch anything but phrases. _Stupid. Revolting. Horrid. Worthless. Reckless. Slut. Idiot. Good for nothing._

Kaitla comes home to find Litzy passed out on the sofa bed, phone in one hand and a blade in the other, reminding Kaitla that it is possible to cry in your sleep. The black camisole stretches over her swollen abdomen, one strap dangling off a delicate shoulder. Kaitla gently tugs the blade and phone from her friend's hands before lifting the arm Litzy has protectively across her stomach. She nearly gasps at what she sees. Even unconscious, Litzy tugs her arm back to protecting her unborn child, freshly healing wounds resting on dried spots of blood on the camisole. Kaitla fetches the bandages from the bathroom along with a wet washcloth. She returns to her broken roomie and begins cleaning her wounds. Litzy whimpers and awakes.

"I'm sorry." Kaitla nearly misses the saddened whisper. It's been so long since Litzy's last relapse. Longer than Kaitla even. Far before the baby.

"Honey…why?" Thoughts tumble around Litzy's mind as she contemplates how to respond. Her eyes drift to her phone and remain there. Kaitla catches the drift and picks up the phone as she finishes with Litzy's damaged arm. Litzy returns her arm to protecting her baby, drawing her knees up as far towards her chest as they will go. Kaitla's eyes widen and harden as she reads the messages.

"Honey, she didn't know. She didn't know what really happened. And she never knew how strong you really are. I know it's hard, but please don't let her get to you. We have all we need. We have each other. And now we have this little miracle." Kaitla gently rests her hand on the side of Elizabeth's swollen abdomen, the only one besides the mother herself who can.

"Why can't everyone see like you? However this life was created, it's a miracle just like any other." Kaitla knows the older girl's question is rhetorical. She feels something beneath her hand and a smile lights up her face.

"Is that the baby kicking?" Litzy chuckles in response with a nod.

"Yes, that would be our little miracle playing jungle gym on my insides. If you think it's cute, try having it on your ribs and bladder. The two girls laugh as they lay the sofa back into a bed. Gathering the blankets, the crawl into bed, using their body heat to warm each other against the cool fall night. Like so many other nights, they fall asleep with Litzy's back into Kaitla's chest, Kaitla's arm draped over Litzy's around the baby, their fingers intertwined. They feel safe knowing the other is safe. Tears still stain Litzy's face, but for the first time in a very long time, as slight smile is there as well as she drifts off to sleep.

"Litz, don't you think you should start staying home soon?" Kaitla watches her best friend prepare to leave for work. Had she not been pregnant, she'd have been joining Kaitla at her audition today.

"I'll be fine. It's just the shop. Besides, us two OCD people have everything ready a month before the baby's even due. You go and rock that audition and don't worry about me." Litzy emphasizes the last four words as she grins at her roomie.

"Fine. But only if you swear to let me know if you need anything. A-ny-thing!" The playful banter goes back and forth to lessen the tension of Kaitla's worry and Litzy's need for freedom.

"I will. I love you."

"Love you too."

"Love you more." And with that she's out the door. Kaitla sighs and thinks about her roomie. Fiercely determined, sometimes too much so. But no time to dwell on it. And not to mention she promised Litzy she wouldn't. Kaitla's wondrous voice fills the small apartment as she begins to warm up for her audition, lost in the music.

Litzy sets the bag of cupcakes down in front of the next customer, glad the day is almost over. She knows the life inside her is a miracle, but currently this miracle as been wreaking havoc on her insides. Not to mention, her back and head have been killing her all day. Finally, the clock turns and the last customers make their way to the check out and then the door. She finishes cleaning early and collapses in a chair by the window to wait for James, rubbing her abdomen to try to ease the ache and discomfort. A relieved smile crosses her face as James and Idina walk into view, hand in hand. Litzy rises and exits the shop, locking the door behind her.

"It's great to see you, Idina! It's been so long!" The petite but very pregnant shopkeeper rushes to her friend and embraces her in an excited hug.

"What? I come every day and I've never gotten that kind of greeting!" James fakes offense at the enthusiastic greeting his wife gets.

"Oh, hush, James. Don't be jealous because Elizabeth likes me more than you." The recently-returned-to-dark-hair-ed beauty play smacks her husband on the arm, then proceeding to feel his muscular bicep.

"Yeah, everybody likes you better than me. Even I like you better than me."

"Oh well isn't that touching? Don't worry baby, I've always loved you more than I've loved me." The couple begin draw near to each other and their lips collide in fiery passion. Litzy is content to watch the exchange of true love, if a bit unsanitary, for a short while before a sharp twinge in her stomach causes her to gasp, unintentionally drawing their attention.

"Honey, you okay?" Idina moves from her husband to rest a hand on the young woman's shoulder.

"I'm fine. The baby's just been a bit, active, today." She rubs her stomach as they begin the journey back to the apartment. A few blocks from their apartment building, Litzy feels the sharp twinge again, this time strong enough to stop her in her tracks , bending slightly, both arms now curled around her stomach.

"Litz, what's wrong?" Concern is written clear across James' face, but Idina has the situation under control.

"Come on, sweetie. Let's get back to the apartment before they get too painful to walk. Kaitla's back at the apartment already. That is where you were planning to give birth, correct?" Litzy stares wide eyed at Idina, shocked by the woman in front of her.

"Yes, that's where we'd planned. How do you know Kat's home?"

"Did you really think I didn't catch what was going on back right outside the shop? I've been there twice honey. I texted Kaitla under the premise of seeing if we could stop by. Don't worry, she doesn't know. Otherwise she'd be halfway here by now. Litzy nods in agreement.

"Wait, wait, wait….she's in labor?!"

"Yes James, get with the program. I'm sure she appreciates you informing the entire neighborhood as well."

"Um, actually, I would appreciate getting home reasonably soon." Litzy adds as another the contraction seizes her abdomen.

"We're almost there. And walking really helps speed things up. You'll enjoy that later."

"Well I've been walking all day and the contractions are definitely starting to become painful."

"Yes, that happens." The trio walks up the apartment stairs, only stopping once to let Litzy breathe through a contraction. They knock on the door and hear Kaitla's voice from behind it drawing nearer.

"Litzy, you have a key." She opens the door just after another contraction sends Litzy bent in half, eyes squeezed shut in fear and concentration. Idina rubs her back as James' stands the to the side awkwardly.

"She's, um, a bit preoccupied."

"Oh, James, I'm fine." Litzy says as she returns to a standing position, one arm, as always, protectively across the child she'll be meeting quite soon. "Kat, it's time."

"Oh frickin frick nuggets. _The_ time?"

"Yes, _the_ time. Can we please come in?"

"Yes, yeah, yes. Sorry." She steps back from the door, allowing them to enter.

"You're fine, bae. Those just, um, aren't fun? They're not bad yet but definitely noticeable and decently painful." Kaitla bustles around the house, leading them to the creativity room where they'd planned for Litzy to give birth. What better room to do it than in the room designed for a birth of creativity? Litzy changes into an oversized tshirt and a pair of men's boxers. She's come to find they make great sleep shorts, and not to mention the elastic waistband. She meets them in the creativity room as another contraction leaves her leaning against the door frame before sinking to the floor, curled in a ball.

"How far apart, Litz?"

"Fourteen minutes." She smiles at James, self-designated time keeper, hiding behind a notepad and pen in the furthest corner of the room. Litz paces, both from anxiety and to be walking inside, out of the cool winter chill. The next contraction comes early, ten minutes, and the intensity leaves Kaitla holding her best friend up as her knees give out. She steadies Litz back on two feet before leaning back and looking her in the eye.

"Are you okay?" Litzy nods, terrified.

"That one was strong."

"I figured so, honey." Litzy nods again and goes to begin pacing again but is prevented but Kaitla's thin but strong arms. "Hey. I know you're scared. I know you're terrified out of your wits. I know you're unsure what will happen. But it will be okay. You'll do beautifully bae, like you always do." She lifts Litzy's chin to meet her eyes. Fear and love shine clear from Litzy's eyes. "Shall we dance?" Dancing with Kaitla will produce the same effect on her labor, while reducing the stress as opposed to the way the pacing was adding to it. Idina stands back and watches. There for assistance, but staying silent and out of the way if not needed. She smiles as the two friends hand the situation with ease and grace in the face of something terrifying. Litzy turns her back into Kaitla's chest and they both wrap their arms around Litzy's abdomen, swaying to music only the two of them can hear. Nine minutes later, Litzy's knees buckle from fear, exhaustion, and another contraction. Kaitla lowers her gently to the floor where she turns on her side, arching her back in response to the pain. The contraction ends and she lays there, limp and panting.

"I'm ready to have this baby."

"I know, baby. Your baby will be here before you know it."

"Our baby." She squeezes out before another contraction draws her knees up to her chest. A full forty five seconds later, she inhales deeply again. "Seven minutes, James. Give Kat the notepad please. I'm going to shower before this whole mess gets starts." James gladly hands off the notepad and pen, and Katya and Litzy head hand in hand to the bathroom down the hall. James rises to stand by his beautiful wife.

"So what do you think she's gonna do with that arm when the baby's born?" Idina smacks James' chest. The idiocity of men.

"She's scared, honey. She wants to protect this baby as best as she can. That comes out in her arm draped protectively across her stomach all the time." Idina's calm explanatory tone changes then as she gets on James for not using common sense. "And what do you think she's gonna do with that arm? She's gonna use it to hold a real baby!" Idina rolls her eyes at James and he just shrugs.

The last article of Litzy's clothing comes flying over the shower rod and the water turns on. She washes her hair, then removes the showerhead to wash her body, finishing and remaining on her swollen abdomen.

"That feels…I don't know if they're good. I mean natural childbirth is kind of hard, but they're not as overwhelmingly painful. Five minutes now." The water helps her to ride out the contraction as well as the shower providing some privacy before soon to be no privacy.

"How did you know that? I'm the one watching the clock."

"There are some things a mother just knows. Can I get out?" Kaitla shakes her head in wonder at her best friend as she hands a towel over the shower rod.

"I'll be right outside in the hall. Yell if you need anything." The lithe beauty slips out the door and shut it firmly behind her. Litzy kneels in the shower, breathing though another contraction, this one the most painful yet. The contraction peaks and Litzy hears a pop, accompanied by fluid rushing out of her nether regions. The contraction ebbs and she sighs. Well, at least things will get moving now. No need to put her shorts back on. She throws the tshirt on and quickly heads back to the creativity room before the next contraction hits. She barely makes it. Sitting on the makeshift (but disposable) bed, she arches her back and clenches her teeth to refrain from screaming. The extra foam padding from their sofa bed on top of an old shower curtain and covered with old towels provides a perfectly suitable place for their miracle to be born, each piece of it holding a fond memory.

"Three minutes apart. A minute and a half long." She gasps out after another contraction. Kaitla, wide eyed and terrified, looks to Idina for advice.

"She'll know when she's ready. Any time now."

"Whenever you feel ready, love, push."

"Oh gosh, no. I'm not rea—" Her words are cut off but an angonizing groan. "I want her out of me! Now!" She shouts as she begins to push.

"Easy, baby, that does it. Not too fast."

"This hurts like frickin crap! Do you think too fast is a problem?" She bites out between pushes.

"That's it love! I see it head! You're doing it honey!" Litzy arches her back, her neck thrown back, tendons standing out, as she strains with all her might. She breathes and bears down again. The head pops out and Kaitla wipes off the baby's face. She winces in pain, both from Litzy's death grip on her hand and also in sympathy as she sees the baby's shoulders press against the inside of the opening. Litzy shrieks in pain as she pushes again, and finally the shoulders are out. "One last push honey! Then you're there!" Litzy draws in a deep breath and bears down for one final push. All at once, the pressure releases and she falls back limp on the bed. Almost immediately she sits back up, removing her tshirt. Kaitla hands the baby to her and she lays back with her child upon her bare chest. "December 3nd, 1:02am. A baby girl."

"Eleanora. Ellie for short." She makes eye contact with her best friend at the foot of her bed. Kaitla's eyes fill with tears.

"For me?"

"Of course after you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me." Kaitla leans on the bed next to Litzy, one of her arms providing a pillow, her free hand resting upon little Eleanora. Litzy draws in a breath and begins to sing. "And I, I will catch you when you fall. And I, I will be there when you call." Kaitla smiles and joins with her best friend, serenading her almost daughter. "You walk away, where you go, I will follow. And I, won't be alone. And a child will lead, yes a child will lead me home."


	4. More Than Anything

"No! I won't!" The taller of the two roommates attempts to flail away from her tiny but strong counterpart. Swim team reunion next week, and Kaitla refuses to eat.

"Honey, please. I love you. Please eat something." Litzy finally relents at the sound of a baby crying from the bassinet in the corner. She crosses the kitchen to pick up her daughter, soothing her with a soft voice and a smile. She returns to the kitchen table where Kaitla remains sitting with her arms crossed, jaw set and hell in her eyes. "Baby, please. I know it's hard. You know I know it's hard. But you can't go on like this."  
"Why not? I hate myself. There's really no point in eating. It'll just make me even more fat and gross and ugly." Litzy's heart breaks for her roommate. She knows how it feels; she's been there. The hell in your mind causing you to treat yourself worse than you would treat your worst enemy. Scars litter the bodies of both girls. Both have had times where meal times would result in a shouting match, often ending in tears from one or both of them.

"Angel, you're the most beautiful person I know. It scares me though. You're getting too thin. Remember last year? Right before we found out about Ellie? Remember how awful that was for you to watch me through that? But I had a cause. You're purely against yourself and I don't know what I can do to help you see how incredible you are. I can lay out facts, I can tell you I love you, but I never can know if anything will actually work. This is something you have to do, honey." She pauses, wiping away the tears of the broken beauty across from her.

"But I can't. I'm not strong enough. I'm not worth my own effort." Kat crosses her lithe limbs across her thin chest, collarbones protruding even more than usual. Litzy sighs and puts her free hand on her best friend's shoulder.

"I know how hell feels, honey. I've been there. Multiple times. But you pulled me out of hell. You reminded me what I have to live for, to do more than barely survive. We were hanging on until our dreams. But now we're living in what were our dreams and our minds are still against us. We made it this far. Don't leave me now. You mean everything to me. Without you, neither Ellie nor I would be here. I lost the will to live, and you showed me how to find it again. If I could I would fight this for you. I would do anything for you. Just let me honey. I'll take care of you. We'll be okay." Kaitla looks at her roommate, eyes showing sadness to the depths of her soul.

"I have to go to the bathroom." The tall brunette stands and stalks away from the kitchen table towards the bathroom down the hall. She pauses in the living room, her step faltering. Just as she reaches the bathroom door, the tall beauty collapses.

"No!" The scream comes from the depths of Litzy's soul as she quickly stands and settles Ellie in her bassinet before sprinting to her best friend. She kneels beside her, gathering Kaitla in her arms. She shouldn't be so light. "Baby, please, wake up." Kaitla's shallow, sporadic breaths terrify Litzy. She resituates the younger girl in her arms into a position her she can take her pulse. It's there, but barely, and fading. Tears stream down her face as she fears for the life of her best friend, her lifeline. She carefully lays Kaitla back down, hurrying to strap Ellie in a back child carrier, before returning to her angel and gathering her in her arms once more. Litzy stands, child on her back and a broken beauty in her arms as she travels the three flights of stairs to the apartment parking lot in record time. Se first straps Kaitla into the front seat, hands shaking as she fumbles with the buckle. Kaitla slowly blinks as she watches the tears stream down her best friends face, struggling for consciousness. Litzy buckles her daughter in the safety seat in the back before jumping into the driver's seat. The door barely shuts before the car is thrown into reverse and they take off out of the parking lot and onto the road. Five minutes later they arrive at the nearest hospital. Litzy straps her baby to her back and gathers her precious roommate in her arms again, all but running to the entrance. The elderly desk attendant's eyes widen at the scene coming in.

"Please. I haven't been able to get her to eat. I'm so scared. She collapsed in our apartment and I had no choice. Please help me. I can't lose her." A flurry of commotion begins and Kaitla is taken from Litzy's loving arms and whisked away on a stretcher, headed for needles and tubes trying to save her broken body. The doctors and nurses probe Litzy for every bit of information they can get and she gives it willingly. Anything to save her best friend. Soon they have all they need and the small girl, an adult looking like a child, is left standing alone in the middle of an empty waiting room. She unstraps her baby from the child carrier on her back and cuddles her in her arms. _Please don't let it be just us, baby. I'm not strong enough to do this alone. Don't make me have to be._ She holds her daughter closer, hoping to high above she won't lose the one person who has meant more than anything to her.


	5. I Loved You

_8:07am. Just under three hours._ Her hands tighten on the steering wheel as she takes a shaky breath. _Get your shit together, Litzy._ She clenches her jaw before reaching for her coffee. Her short brown hair falls into her face as she glances down. She takes a sip of coffee before readjusting her hair. _8:11am._ Time crawls by as she flies down the interstate.

 _10:38am. Time to go. Mom….who the fuck takes this long to pee?_ The long limbed beauty shifts from one foot to the other, cursing her young age and therefore inability to drive. "Mom, we're going to be late!" She pounds on the bathroom door, willing her mom's bladder to empty faster.

"Calm down. She'll still be there if we're two minutes late, Kaitla. " The dark haired beauty shakes her long tresses out of her face and rolls her eyes as the bathroom door finally opens. _Finally,_ she thinks, all but sprinting to the car.

 _11:01am._ Litzy glances at her watch before returning to her book, nearly falling off the park bench at a sudden loud squeal. She barely has time to mark her place in her book and set it aside before being swept into the arms of her taller best friend. Her face breaks into a wide grin and she begins to laugh as Kaitla's uncontainable excitement becomes contagious.

"Oh my God it's so good to finally meet you." Kaitla draws back to get a better look at Litzy.

"You, too honey. I'm sorry it took so long." Kaitla shakes her head and puts a finger to Litzy's pale lips.

"Nope. No more apologies, Litz. We're here. That's all that matters." Litzy smiles up at her best friend before hugging her again. Kaitla glances at her mom. Seeing that she's involved in her phone, she lowers her voice and lowers her head to meet Litzy's. "What the hell, bae? We agreed to get better together." Concern shines in her eyes, rubbing her hands down Litzy's arms. Litzy drops her eyes before replying in a whisper.

"I know. And I did get better." She begins to shiver in the cool November air.

"Honey, you're too thin." An unasked question hangs in the air. Litzy finally brings her eyes up to meet Kaitla's again, hollow and sad.

"I'm only going to get thinner. But you can't let it affect you. I kept to our promise. I got better. But…."

"But what? Honey, please tell me…"

"I'm sick."

"No shit, we both were."

"No, not like that. Not anymore at least. Remember how I told you one of the patients needed bone marrow, and I was a rare match?" Kaitla nods, brows drawn in confusion. "Well, some shit came up when they tested my bone marrow."

"Spit it out, Litzy. What's going on? You're scaring me." Litzy squeezes her eyes shut and takes a deep breath. Her green eyes, suddenly filled with pain and fear and compassion, flare open.

"I have cancer. I'm dying." Kaitla gasps as the world around her collapses.

"Are you ready?" Litzy waits patiently by the door as Kaitla finishes fixing her hair.

"Are you sure you're up to this?" Kaitla joins her in the doorway, covering Litzy's hand on the door knob, making sure she answers the question. Litzy rolls her eyes, though concedes a small smile.

"Yes, for the fiftieth time, I'm sure. Now let's go." They grasp hands as they step out into the cold February air, walking the short distance to the bus stop. The bus arrives shortly and they board, choosing a seat near the front. Kaitla slides into the window seat, allowing Litzy to curl up next to her, recovering some much needed sleep on the several hour bus ride from across Ohio. Kaitla puts in her earbuds and cranks the music up, trying to trick her mind into believing her best friend is wearing a hat purely because it's the middle of winter, not because there's nothing underneath it.

The bus ride flies by and before they know it, Kaitla is shaking Litzy awake and they exit the bus, grinning like mad at the beautiful theatre in front of them.

"Come on, let's go." Litzy grabs Kaitla's hand and drags her inside. They make their way to their seats early and settle in to enjoy the show. Kaitla's second time seeing If/Then, Litzy's first. An unforgettable experience for both girls. The show ends and they give a standing ovation, wiping the tears from their eyes. The lights come up and Litzy grabs Kaitla's hand, dragging her against the crowd. They make their way up to the stage, Kaitla protesting in confusion all the way. "Shh! Just go with it!" Litzy glances around them before swiftly swinging her thin frame up onstage and motioning for Kaitla to do the same. Kaitla begins to protest but then follows quickly as Litzy disappears behind the curtain.

"Litzy? Where'd you go? Dammit, Elizabeth." Kaitla searches backstage for her best friend. The smaller girl comes up behind her.

"Boo!" Kaitla gasps and turns around, her gaze murderous. "Oh, come on. You'll forgive me." She takes off confidently down the hallway backstage.

"We are so going to get in trouble." Kaitla reluctantly follows her best friend, wanting to make sure nothing happens while also not wanting to get banned from the theatre.

"Nope." Litzy raps on the door.

"Password?" A smooth male voice answers and Litzy rolls her eyes.

"Do I have to?"

"Absolutely." The male voice replies, mischief in his voice.

"Let her in James!" A female voice argues from behind the door. Kaitla's eyes widen.

"Password first!" James insists.

"Fine," Litzy concedes, leaning in closer to the door. "Fuck." The door swings open. "Thanks James." She says sarcastically as she enters the dressing room.

"Anytime!" The good looking tenor grins back, earning him a punch from the short haired blonde next to him. Kaitla stands in shock in the doorway.

"Oh….my….God." Her jaw drops as she takes in the sight.

"Welcome to my dressing room, Kaitla. Please ignore the mess." The dark haired beauty sitting a maroon chair stands to hug the girls. Kaitla remains in shock.

"Oh my Oz, Kat. Idina, James, Jenn, meet Kat, the wordless wonder." Kat snaps out of it to stick her tongue out at her best friend.

"Oh shut up." Litzy throws her head back in a laugh. Kaitla blushes as a grin spreads across her face.

"So…" James begins. "I hear you like Cards Against Humanity?"

"Yes! Do you play?" Kaitla joins the circle as James deals the cards. Hours pass, Litzy at some point switching from the floor to sitting on Idina's lap. She smiles as she sees her best friend entirely happy and healthy. Exhaustion overtakes her and she falls limp against Idina. Idina opts out of the next round, beginning to grow tired as well. Kaitla remains in her element, holding her own against Jenn, beating the pants off of James. Idina gazes at the frail body in her arms, much lighter than she should be, though her heart hasn't shrunk at all. She readjusts the girl's fleece cap to cover her bare head better. The round ends and James yawns.

"It's getting late. You guys about ready to head out?"

"You're just tired of getting the pants beat off of you." Jenn tries to bite his ear and he leans away, laughing.

"Omo I ship you guys so hard." Kat blurts out, causing the two of them to laugh even harder.

"Do you guys have a place to stay tonight?" Idina asks Kaitla, rubbing Litzy's back softly to wake her.

"Um, to be honest I'm not sure. I didn't know we we're staying after the show."

"Do you want to crash at my place? It's just me at the moment so there's plenty of room." Kat's face lights up.

"Really? You wouldn't mind?" Idina laughs, happy to make the young girl so delighted.

"I wouldn't mid at all. One of us can sleep on the couch or we can all pile onto my bed. It's cold outside. The extra body heat would be nice." Litzy speaks up as Kaitla is once again at a loss for words.

"If you're sure we wouldn't be an inconvenience we'd love to." Idina grins and rolls her eyes at Litzy.

"Not an inconvenience at all. It gets lonely there sometimes. I'd enjoy having you guys." Litzy smiles gratefully. "So it's settled. You guys'll come home with me and I'll drop you off at the bus stop some time tomorrow. Sound good?"

"Sounds amazing." Kaitla confirms, all smiles.

Rain patters against the window pane, machines whir. The monitor on the beside beeps an even sixty two beats per minute. Two bodies are curled on the narrow hospital bed, one normal, one sickly and too thin, attached to an IV, weariness apparent in both. Litzy draws in a shallow, shaky breath.

"Kaitla…." She breathes a whisper to her best friend, lifting a weak hand to cup her face.

"What is it, honey? Do you need me to go get the nurse?" Worry and fear cloud the younger, stronger, healthier girl's eyes as she takes Litzy's hand.

"No…no….I just wanted to say…." she pauses to breathe.

"No no no honey. You're gonna be okay. It's alright." Kaitla draws her best friend nearer to her chest, as if trying to hold on to the life fading inside of her.

"It's okay…it's my time…." Litzy looks at their intertwined hands, thanking heaven for her best friend, her undeserved blessing. Kaitla begins to cry.

"No, baby, please. Don't leave me. I can't do this without you."

"I have to…you'll be okay…you're strong….please….don't forget me…."

"I could never forget you….you're my best friend." The sobs wracking her thin figure shake both of them. Litzy struggles to draw in a few more shallow breaths.

"Even more….don't forget….I love you." Litzy closes her eyes, falling limb against Kaitla. The beeping falls into a flat stream of sound. Kaitla's sobs echo through the room.

"I love you too…..I lost you…..I loved you."


	6. Nothing Lasts Forever

Idina shakes back her long hair as she knocks on the door. Footsteps come from somewhere in the apartment, growing louder as they near the door. Idina's brows furl in concern. Something's wrong. But what? A slim girl opens the apartment door, welcoming Idina inside.  
"Hey, Idina. What's up?" Idina takes in the girl's appearance. She looks...awful.  
"Nothing much. I was just going to see if you and Kadin would want to babysit Jackie this weekend. Are you okay, Ev?" Evá drops her glance and runs a hand through her hair.  
"Yeah. I'd love to spend some time with Jackie. Is James taking you out on a date? You're anniversary is coming up, right?" Idina's heart aches for the young woman in front of her, having been in her place too many times not to notice the signs. She's hurting, but covers it up to care for others.  
"Yes...Evá, where's Kadin?" The question seems to break down a wall inside of Evá. The dark circles beneath her eyes stand out against pale skin. Her cheeks are sunken in slighty, her bones too prominent.  
"She's...not here..." Idina remains silent, patiently waiting for an answer. Evá takes off her glasses and rubs her face, mentally preparing herself to answer Idina's question. "She moved out. She lives with her girlfriend now. I can give you her address if you want." She stands to go get the slip of paper and wavers on the spot. Idina grabs her elbow and tugs her back onto the couch, rubbing the girl's back as Evá sits with her head between her knees. At last she sits back up, looking if possible even more miserable than before.  
"Leave the address. We can deal with that later. I'm worried about you, hon." Evá refuses to meet Idina's eyes.  
"I'm fine, really. I won't keep you if you were looking for her."  
"I came looking for the both of you, but right now I'm focused on you, Ev. When was the last time you slept, or ate for that matter?"  
"I...don't really know...I'm sorry."  
"Don't be sorry, hon. You've done nothing wrong. When did Kadin leave?"  
"Thirteen days ago. I came home from work and found her note. She cleared out all of her belongings." Evá blinks back tears at the memory. It had been days after that until she found where Kadin was. Long days of searching, sleepless nights of endless worry and fear for her best friend. The realization that Kadin wasn't coming back. Realizing she's alone again. Entirely alone.  
"Do you know why she left?" Idina knows in her head that Kadin had been struggling too, but to see the brokenness in front of her, it's hard not to feel defensive and almost angry at the culprit. Evá shakes her head.  
"She didn't say. I can only speculate. I think...I got too close. I cared too much. My love seemed to force her to be strong, and she didn't want to be strong anymore. She wanted to be thin and pitied. She wanted people to notice her for her brokenness, not for het strength. I loved her too much, so she left. I shouldn't have..." Idina cuts her off with a finger to her delicate lips, noticing how cracked and dry they've gotten since winter set in.  
"Shh. No. You loved her. There's nothing more you could've done. She's young yet. She has life to experience, lessons to learn. This isn't your fault, Evá." Evá's silence seems to last forever.  
"I didn't mean to skip meals. I honestly just...forgot." She sounds scared, remorseful, defensive, as if the same thing had happened before and she'd been hurt by someone who claimed to care for her.  
"I know, Ev. It's okay." Idina tugs her over, wrapping her arms around the girl in a mother's hug. Who knows how long it's been since Evá's had a hug from her real mother. Idina admires how the girl has fought for her dreams, sacrificed for them. A person can only rely on themselves for so long, though. Evá's parents never approved of theatre. Now her best friend has left her. Idina continues to hold her as she feels silent tears soak her shirt. Evá's strong though. And nothing lasts forever. Times will change. Happy times will come again. As long as you have the strength to hold on.


End file.
